4. Trauma Responses in Parenthood - When Your Child Mirrors Your Pain

When I left my marital home, I was a few weeks pregnant. At first, it didn't feel like escaping abuse. I just knew I couldn't keep living this way. The tension I felt, the fear, the constant confusion, something in me finally said, "enough". The feeling of being harrassed didn't stop after I left. In some ways, it got worse.

This is the transcript for Episode 4.

But being in a new home and then eventually in another social circle gave me space to breathe and to start seeing things clearly. It was there, far away from the noise, that I began to understand what had really been happening. And once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it. That clarity became the start of my healing. When my son was born, everything changed again.

I was now responsible for another soul, one who was deeply connected to mine.

"And as I began to nurture him, I realized how much I still needed nurturing myself"

Parenting after trauma is different. Your nervous system carries stories that your child will never know (and should never know so you protect him/her from parential alienation) but sometimes they'll feel them. In the tone of your voice, in the way you hold your breath, in the way you react when they cry. There were moments when my son's cries would make my heart race, not because I was angry, but because my body remembered fear, even when my mind knew we were safe. Those were hard moments to admit, but as my understanding grew, these were also moments of grace.

Every time I soothed him, I was soothing the younger version of myself too. Every calm breath I took was a message to both of us, "We are safe now."

When your child mirrors your pain, it's an invitation

It's an opportunity to heal through love, through presence, through small quiet moments that rewire what fear once broke. If you're parenting through your own healing, I hope you know you're going to figure this out. You're rebuilding layer by layer, from the inside out. And that's Holy work. You and your child are both learning peace together. This is Light in the Battle. Thank you for being here.

If you've enjoyed this, you will like Episode 5: Finding Stillness in the Battle - How to Stay Centered When Life Won’t Slow Down